W2
From The Encyclopedia of Pointless
The W2 is the standard form for the organized and wholesale extortion of every hardworking citizen of the United States by their government.
Contents |
W2 History
The W2 in its current form was first utilized in 1943, but its history goes back much farther than that. Many of its passages and cryptic hidden meanings were lifted from the Necronomicon, the evil book of the dead revered in ancient Egyptian Mythology. Still other passages come from the Beelzebible, the perverted holy scriptures used in Hell. Most experts agree that it's not entirely unbelievable to assume that certain members of the Internal (Infernal?) Revenue Service may also be Knights In Satan's Service.
There are several theories as to the origin of the W2 in its present form.
- The first, and most popular, theory is that a young IRS scribe named Willard Braystroke wrote the entire W2, without any outside assistance. Proponents of this theory point out that early copies of the W2 start with, "I, Willard Braystroke, wrote this thing. May God have mercy on my soul." They also point out the clear indications of Willard Braystroke's increasing insanity as the form goes on and becomes ever more sinister. The IRS claims that much of this later insanity has been cleared up but no studies so far back up these statements.
- Another common theory states that the W2 is the product of no single human being, and instead it is the most perfect reflection of the underlying plague of sin and degradation facing our society. Proponents state that a great deal of people in the IRS, all working with information too small to discern the final outcome, used a form of Distributed Contributing to pen a document straight from their collective subconcious mind, like an enormous Automatic Writing Therapy session. Creationists favor this view, as they can use it to support the Doctrine of Original Sin.
- Aliens. There's always nutbags that think it's Aliens. Silly nutbags.
- A usually scoffed-at theory states that the W2 is simply the result of endless US Government bureaucracy, where no amount of effort can ever increase the effectiveness of the final outcome. If there were any proponents, they would state that the only reason the W2 works at all is the sheer number of man-hours it takes to force the poorly designed system into operation. They would go on to say that with a properly motivated and bureaucracy-free design team a more efficient and cheaper system could be designed, but there aren't any proponents so the current system is maintained.
The W2 Today
The W2 today is used mostly to extort hard-earned money to prop up the ever growing bloated mass of the United States Government. However in recent years the IRS has been promoting alternate W2 uses to keep the millions of unfiled W2 forms from clogging the environment. Some of their more popular ideas include:
- Dog training. Either roll up the form and whack them with it or make them fill it out. Either one is an excellent form of negative reenforcement.
- Take the W2 and have it signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.
Other W2 Sightings
- In the Anime Evangelion W2 bombs are used at several points to attempt to destroy Angels, to varying levels of success.
- The unfortunately popular band U2 was originally going to be W2, but they realized spy planes are WAY cooler than taxes.
- Panasonic recently released their own version of the W2, which is more durable than the IRS' design and sports a 40GB hard drive.
| -- Mr. Encyclopedia |
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