Pride

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

This article has recieved badges! Click here to view them

Pride is supposedly the final deadly sin. In it’s worst form it is manifest in feelings of superiority above fellow humans, as well as a generally self-centered outlook on life. There are a multitude of examples of pride gone too far, but the most telling is found in one, chillingly terrifying song. I warn you now, the following prose is not for the faint of heart.

I feel pretty

Oh so pretty

Oh so pretty and witty and bright.

And I pity

Any girl who isn't me tonight.

Obsession with your own physical appearance is not the only affect of pride gone out of control. The effect this social disease has on others is equally damaging. Pride causes one to view other humans, decent innocent folk, with distain and disgust. As the song above indicates, the one who feels pretty goes so far as to pity those less fortunate, considering them lesser beings.

I feel charming

Oh so charming

It's alarming how charming I feel.

And so pretty

I can hardly belive I'm real.

Pride does not end with obsession over physical appearance. The damaging effects continue onwards into the realm of assigning characteristics to oneself that are likely not even there in the first place. This pathetic, self-obsessed individual has gone beyond merely overvaluing himself or herself aesthetically, and into the realm of simply deciding that their personality is now “charming”. Can you not see the maddening destruction an over inflated self image leaves behind?!

I feel pretty

Oh so pretty

That the city should give me it's key.

A comittee

Should be organized to honor me.

Nearing its terrifying final stages, the pride’s victim’s tenuous grasp on reality is broken. Bizarre things are demanded to support the afflicted person’s out of control ego. Committees, city keys, these are outrageous demands that someone with a strong grip on reality would never even consider asking for. But for this poor deluded soul, nothing is to be considered outside of her megalomaniacal grasp.

I feel dizzy

I feel sunny

I feel fizzy and funny and fine.

And so pretty

Mrs. America can just resign.

It’s becoming ever clearer that this is a deranged individual we are dealing with. The pride-damaged mind has taken over the various senses, casting sensations of temperature and physical feeling into a confusing and meaningless soup of addled emotion! Where will it end?!

I feel stunning

And entrancing

Feel like running and dancing for joy.

For I'm loved

By a pretty wonderful boy.

Oh. So she's in love. That would explain it, I guess. Never mind.

I feel pretty by Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim, owned/copywhatevered to whoever has the rights to West Side Story. They can keep them, really.

-- Beat

Click here for more by this author