Justin Richards

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

Justin Richards is the secret identity for the amazing and powerful superhero The All-Natural.

Origin

Justin Richards grew up in a typical American family. He had a typical hard-working American dad, a typical harder-working American mom, and a typical annoying little brother. His family shopped at Wal-Mart, ate at McDonalds, and hated Commies with a vengence. Everything was smooth sailing for young Justin Richards until he entered into adolescence. His body began changing, adapting, turning into something he was scarcely familiar. He grew in both stature and strength. His voice deepened. He developed a thin coating of protective hair over his body. Yes, poor Justin Richards had entered puberty.

During this time of turmoil another important aspect of Justin's life changed. His mother read a book titled "Danger Planet: The Evils of Consumerism and Greed" by Dr. Damon Hogreaver. Her reaction was as if Dr. Hogreaver had reached into her head and flipped a switch from "All-American" to "Hippie". Suddenly Mrs. Richards outlawed all the evils described in the book. No more Wal-Mart: It's supported by sweatshops and treats its employees poorly. No more McDonalds: It's evil and fattening. Every big company product was swept from the Richards home. Out went the mass-produced produce, in came the organic locally grown foods.

This sudden and dramatic change eventually dissolved Mr. and Mrs. Richard's marriage, but not before demonstrating to Justin the true nature of his body. When all the unnatural elements present in his diet were flushed from his system the chains holding back his true power were shattered. He became stronger and faster than the greatest olympic athletes, and completely impervious to any natural weapon; only something unnatural, like a platypus, could harm him.

Early Career

After discovering his powers Justin Richards made sure to comply with the Superhero Registration Act of 1934 by identifying his known powers and choosing a superhero name for himself. He chose "The All-Natural" after discovering his first two picks "The Tofu Avenger" and "Healthyman" were both already taken.

The All-Natural first met difficulty when he was approached by McDonalds to promote their new line of healthier menu choices. The All-Natural was skeptical at first, but few can resist the numbers McDondalds dangled in front of him. He accepted the offer, but when the time came for him to film his endorsement he found that merely handling the unnatural products McDonalds provided for him caused him to temporarally lose his powers. This caused the whole endorsement deal to be scrapped, but not before teaching The All-Natural a valuable lesson about his powers: They're tied to how natural he is.

Unlike most new superheroes All-Natural never spent a large amount of time on a costume, instead usually opting to do heroics in his street clothes. The first instance of his current "Costume" was when he and a group of fellow heroes of similar power were battling with a villian calling himself The Clockwork Orange. As he and his teammates were being beaten back The All-Natural realized to his horror that the clothes he was wearing were not pure cotton as he was led to believe, but Cotton/polyester blend. Working quickly he shed his outer garments, only to find his underwear too was holding him back. Rather than risk defeat The All-Natural sacrificed his dignity and battled back the villian in nothing but his birthday suit.