Height

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

This may come as a surprise, but being tall is not as fun as one might think it is. I should know, I'm 6'7". Yeah, that's right, I'm six feet, seven inches tall. That's two meters for those of you who don't use your feet to measure things. I am taller than half of the players in the NBA. Michael Jordan is only 6'6". Remember that one time you saw that really tall guy? I'm taller than he was. So I figure I'm qualified to talk about what it's like being tall.

You short people (which coming from me means just about everyone) all think that it must be great to be tall. Well, please allow me to dispel that myth. Being tall really stinks! How would you like it if your feet stuck off the end of every bed you ever slept on? Or how would you like it if you always felt bad for the people who sit behind you at movies? Or how would you like it if a drunken guy from Denmark sang "My bonnie lies over the ocean" with you? Yeah, well that's just the tip of a VERY tall iceberg!

The first thing most people think when they seem me is, "Wow, look at that enormous guy." You see, I'm not just tall. Let me put it this way: While I am taller than half the people in the NBA, I am heavier than all of them. I think you get my drift. Many people fear me, with of course the exception of drunken dutch men.

You might think being tall is a good icebreaker. Well, sure, I can go up to pretty much whoever I want and say "Hello, I'm tall." Thus starting a perfectly fine conversation. But, when EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION YOU EVER HAVE WITH ANYONE centers on how tall you are, it gets old faster than Cher without her daily Botox injection. I get bored with it faster than a sugar-high ten year old with a sock puppet. I am as disenchanted with it as you, the reader, are with my really bad similes.

In short... well, to sum it all up, being tall is not nearly as good as you think it is. The next time some tall person lords it over you by telling you it's like walking in the clouds, you'll know they're not telling the truth, just another tall tale.

-- Mr. Encyclopedia

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