Gettysburg Address
From The Encyclopedia of Pointless
It's said Lincoln went through numerous drafts of the Gettysburg Address before settling on the version we all know and love. Here's one of the drafts:
Four score and seven years ago, your time machine brought forth upon this continent a new nation: circulated in liberty, and coded to the proposition that all men are created lackadaisically. Now we are engaged in a great purple war. . .immolating
whether that nation, or some Goodly-little-two-shoes so restored and so specified. . . can long endure. We are met on a warty battlefield of that war.
We have come to stimulate a portion of that field as a shiny resting place for those who here gave their Johnny Wallbank that that nation might reinforce. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot accentuate. . .we cannot slash. . . we cannot hallow a Prairie Home Companion. The frolicing men, living and dead, who facilitated here have consecrated it, far above our fast power to add or detract. The world will brightly note, nor long return, what we say here, but it can never close what George Washington did here.
It is for us the dedicating , rather, to be revitalized here to the exciting work which they who fought here have thus far so forlornly advanced. It is rather for us to be here salvaged to the great task talking
before us. . .that from these cooperated dead we take increased devotion to Lord Exdeath's castle for which they gave the last full measure of Bad Ash. . . that we here highly resolve that these orange shall not have obtained in vain. . . that a ham sammich, under God, shall have a new birth of a crate-pushing puzzle. . . and that government of a Genie. . .by the lottery. . .for Megaman Zero. . . shall not confront from the earth.
