Fifty billion

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

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You're not good enough for this article.

Warning: This article, much like approxamately 60% of the articles at progressiveboink.com, is not for you. Be assured, it's totally hilarious. The problem is yours. You're simply not the right combination of intellegent, avant-grad, counter culture, counter-counter culture, dark, and quick witted enough to understand the immense sophistication and beauty on display in front of you. Why don't you go back to your hovel while the big boys are playing, hmm?

I find this hilarious because I'm better than you!

He felt so very lonely.

For a long time, he had told himself that his position was one of dignity and honor. A nice, big round number, with lots of impressive zeros to boot. But it no longer cheered him up.

And the lies were convincing at times too. After all, 50 was considered a nice important anniversary, and a billion is the most cited number by 4-year-olds in the world. Therefore, he used to reason, 50 Billion must make him extra special.

But it was all a lie and he knew it. He was painfully aware that nobody ever counted to him in earnest. His only real purpose was for use in the laughable field of astrology, and in shameless exaggeration.

He was a joke.

Oh how he envied the numbers far below him. Simple, easy numbers like 1 and 2, considered essential to everyday life. Numbers that mattered. Back in high school, he wouldn’t have even bothered with such low figures. Now they were the ones living active, social, math-filled lives.

His life was sorrow.

We're cutting it off here... out of pity!

I was all set to write like ten pages of this, but I won't. Not because I didn't want to though. I'm cutting it short because the mastery on display in this narrative is obviously wasted on the likes of you. Maybe if you were all avant grade and cultured and bitter like me you could withstand the utter hilarity I was going to write. For now though, I'm just going to stop tormenting you with things that you can't possibly understand. I'm nice like that.

-- Beat

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