404-WashClothes

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

Lucky for you there's a laundromat nearby. You trudge over and proceed to strip off your adventuring great helm, your adventuring cervelliere, your adventuring gorget, your adventuring pauldrons, your adventuring couter, your adventuring vambraces, your adventuring gauntlets, your adventuring breastplate, your adventuring tassets, your adventuring cuisses, your adventuring polyens, your adventuring greaves, and finally your adventuring mukluks.

Now that your outer armor has been removed you take a moment to catch your breath.

Having suitably braced yourself, you resume, starting with your adventuring coif, then continuing with your adventuring hauberk, your adventuring fauld, your adventuring chausses, and your adventuring gousset. Then you tackle your adventuring brigadine, your adventuring doublet, and your adventuring chaps. Then you take off your adventuring tunic, your adventuring sweater, your adventuring overalls, and your adventuring jeans. Then you take off your adventuring gym shorts, your adventuring T-shirt, and your adventuring tights. Last, but not least, you remove your adventuring panties.

It's been a while since you've taken all your armor off. You were so used to the weight that now it seems that you're having a little trouble keeping your feet on the ground. In any case, you jam everything into the cheapest washing machine and set it in motion.

At this point you realize everyone else in the laundromat is staring at you, so you excuse yourself to the restroom. First you wash the dried blood off your wound to find that while the fairy didn't restore your arm it did at least seal up the wound nicely. Then you fashion yourself a makeshift Fundoshi out of toilet paper.

This seems to satisfy the other patrons of the laundromat as they pay you no more mind. To take your mind off of the horrible racket your washing machine is making you strike up a conversation with a nearby attractive young woman. This seems to infuriate a nearby man who bears a striking resemblance to Doogie Howser.

"Hey!" he accosts you, "I was just about talk to her!"

You leer at him, "Yeah, I noticed you were just about to talk to her for the last ten minutes, so I thought I'd do it for you."

You suddenly get the overwhelming impression that the man is about to burst into song. Thinking quickly you strangle him to death. Understandably, the woman screams.

This causes a man who is plainly a superhero to burst into the laundromat. He is singing a song about the sorts of things required of a man.

"OH NO," you intone, "CAPTAIN MAL REYNOLDS!"

What do you do?