Taxes
From The Encyclopedia of Pointless
Someone famous once said that the only two certainties in life are death and taxes. Since death, by it's very nature is actually the cosmic IRS's version of a tax on life, this statement can be amended to read that there is only one certainty in life, and that is the Total Acquisition of aXets. (Work with me here)
Taxes.
Contents |
What Are Taxes?
Taxes are the Government/Mob's cut of your hard earned profits. In more illicit circles this is called 'protection money.'
This amount averages between 20-25% with an additional 0-14% being taken out when the remainder of your money is spent.
Why Do We Pay Taxes?
There are a number of theories on this subject. One is that this tax money is used to fund the government which manages civil affairs and maintains order in the country.
The most prevalant theory, however, and the one that is most likely true is that taxes are used so that Democrats in government bureaucratic jobs can maintain their employment. The money taken from taxes is used to fund such unnecessary organizations as The US Department of Education, State and Federal Judicial Systems, Welfare, Medicare, and paying politicians' paychecks.
What Can Be Done?
If you, as most people, find this to be an unbearable and horrific fate to be laid upon you, do not fret. There is a way out.
Possible solutions to avoid this evil burden are:
- Move out of the country
- Quit your job
- Lie to the IRS
- Donate excessive amounts of money (not recommended if you shop regularly at Wal-Mart)
- Get married, and force your spouse to pay the taxes.
- Perform some great feat of heroism, like saving the earth from a giant asteroid. (Hey, Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis did it)
- Die
Conclusion
What do I look like? A kindergarten teacher? Make your own conclusions...
Geez.
| -- Forbidden Void |
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