Sickness
From The Encyclopedia of Pointless
Sickness is a disease affecting one out of five of every American. It comes in many forms and in many colors, but its purpose is the same: Being Annoying. Back in the day of yore, sicknesses had the capacity to harm or even kill people, but with our modern medications we have reduced sicknesses to the level of "Mildly infuriating". The following is, as always, a list of various diseases renowned for their exceptional discomfort.
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Smallpox
After scientific advances in the late 1700's eradicated the more lethal Largepox, Smallpox moved in to take its place as ruler of the Pox family of diseases, including Chickenpox, Lizardpox, and Shingles. Pox. Shinglespox. It is identified by a large number of pox appearing on the skin, ranging from tiny to slightly smaller than medium.
Influenza
Influenza is the formal name for what most people call "The Flu" or "He puked". It is characterized by projectile vomiting, Technicolor yawns, parking the tiger, playing the whale, and crying Ruth. People suffering from Influenza often enjoy themselves in reverse, or have need to laugh in a liquid matter. In my personal opinion regurgitation is by far the most disgusting, loathsome activity I can participate in, closely followed by liquid poop, which I will discuss later.
Cancer
Cancer is the sign of the Zodiac ruled by the moon. As is common of Zodiac signs, people born under the sign of cancer can be a wide variety of things, including shy and thick-skinned, outgoing and sensitive, shy and sensitive, and outgoing and thick-skinned.
The Common Cold
There's nothing common about this silent killer, which terrorizes at least one thousand people each day. Well, okay, I guess that makes it somewhat common, I suppose. Also, I had better mention that more than 99.999% of those thousand people don't perish from the disease. So it's not very killer. And generally you can pick up on who has it by their inflamed red nose, incessant coughing, and necessity to stand really close to you and breathe in your face. So it's not very silent either. So really, The Common Cold is an extremely common loud boisterous annoyer, which terrorizes but does not kill at least one billion people worldwide. There, that's more like it.
Bubonic Plague
Well-known for killing a large percentage of the population in the 14th century, the Bubonic Plague can be identified by, and I kid you not, buboes. Buboes are in fact inflamed lymph nodes. Why they're called "buboes" and not "inflamed lymph nodes" are beyond me. Perhaps someone thought English wasn't silly enough.
Diarrhea
Sometimes mistakenly spelled as "Diarrhaea" or "Diarrhoea", Diarrhea is the subject of countless playground rhymes. But Diarrheoaoeoaeoa is no laughing matter, it is nasty, gross, and sick, to name a few. It involves copious amounts of poop in a form of matter somewhere between solid and gaseous. It's no fun, trust me! There are rumors to the effect that The Professor enjoys diarrheieaeaioaa, and I would like to state right now that I most certainly did not start those rumors. At all.
| -- Mr. Encyclopedia |
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