Patriotism
From The Encyclopedia of Pointless
Patriotism is alive and well in today's world. People love patriotism. If you walked up to someone on the street and asked them, "Do you oppose patriotism?" They'll look at you funny, say "Um... yes." and then discreetly move away from you. For those of you who don't know, patriotism is Love of the United States of America; devotion to the welfare of the United States of America; the virtues and actions of an American Citizen; the passion which inspires one to serve The United States of America.
That's right. It's all about America, baby!
All over the world, countries look to America, and America knows it. America rubs its superiority in the faces of all the other countries constantly. These other countries hate America, and hate all of America's products. Have you ever been to another country, say, England? Have you ever noticed how SMALL everything is? Now imagine an SUV barreling down those itty bitty roadways. That's why other countries hate America.
Americans like everything so gosh darn big! What's with that? They have big states, big houses, big skyscrapers, big meals, big pocketbooks, and big egos. The Japanese have designed rooms that can change function for various occasions. Americans have multiple kitchens. Other countries have small, energy-effecient cars even though they consider more than thirty miles to be a day-trip. Americans drive cars the size of an amusement park with the same gas milage to the corner grocery store seventy miles away.
Other countries just can't figure out how Americans think. They build huge hard-to-miss buildings and then complain when somebody crashes something into them. They eat Super-sized Big Mac meals and then complain when they get fat. They use AOL, but complain when anime import companies dumb down the plots. They seek out a cure for cancer while chain-smoking. Each and every one is totally illogical. You can't blame them, though. That's how they're raised.
Americans are raised to be big. As children, being big is associated with getting all the good things in life. You're not big enough to ride the rollercoaster. You're not big enough to stay at home by yourself. You're not big enough to drive. Children quickly learn that once they're big, they'll be able to do whatever they want to do. And America is big, and it gets to do what it wants to do. Europe voices complaints about America's "war on terror" and America just rolls its eyes, wondering "Didn't I beat the tar out of you in a war a few years back?"
America is large. It's been large, and it will probably remain large, and I doubt anyone's going to change that any time soon. Americans just like big things, and the only ones that care are other countries. Poor countries.
