Pandas

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

Pandas have been humanity's ally for countless generations. Since the early lao dynasty pandas and humans have fought side by side against a common enemy both powerful and ruthless. An enemy so totally mind-bogglingly evil that humans stopped calling pandas "stupid bamboo-eating doo-doo heads" and pandas stopped calling humans "stupid furless doo-doo heads". What could inspire such a stupendous casting aside of speciesist tendencies? None other than the horrible menace known as Digitaria sanguinalis or commonly known as "crab grass".

But now a new threat looms on the horizon. Our panda bretheren dwindle in numbers, and yet nothing is done to reenforce their numbers! If humanity does nothing, the crab grass menace will wipe us out. But what can be done? What will save us?

Genma Saotome

Genma Saotome has a solution. Deep within the Qinghai province of China, in the Bayankala mountains there is a training ground of accursed springs on Mount Quanjing. There are over one hundred springs there, and each one has its own tragic legend. In one of them a panda drowned over two thousand years ago. This might seem like a setback, but no, it's far better than you can imagine! For now, anyone who bathes in the spring will be put under a curse that turns them into a panda every time they touch cold water. We can suppliment our dwindling panda supply by substituting with real people!

At a recent meeting of Pandas are Cool Genma Saotome said, "I feel that by heading up this project to boost Panda population I can give something back to the world and make up for the utter disgrace that is my son Ranma." At this point Ranma Saotome replied with something unprintable and in one easy move kicked his father into a nearby Koi pond. At this point Genma demonstrated his dedication to the project by revealing that he himself has already bathed in the Spring of Cursed Panda. He then proceeded to grab his son and bodily slam his son into the pond with all his panda strength. The girl that emerged could not possibly have been Ranma in any way despite such clues as the same hairstyle and the same clothes. They proceeded to battle for hours and the Pandas are Cool meeting was forced to break up.

While Genma seems to have some issues to work out with his son, this does not affect the validity of his idea. I strongly urge you and everyone you know to pick up some pamphlets at the next Pandas are Cool meeting and find out more about this new practice. And remember, I'm not just a member, I'm also a panda!