Media Violence

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

You have probably read articles floating around the Internet on the topic of video games. In many of these articles, the idea is put forth that video games are capable of turning people into evil criminal masterminds. This is nothing new, before video games it was violence in movies that transformed people into super bloodthirsty monsters, and rap/rock and roll have been accused of turning children into unstoppable demon beasts for some time.

Obviously, the possibilities here entice me. Being an unstoppable killer would make it much easier for me to be Jason next Halloween, and long lines would become a breeze. Therefore it was time for an experiment. I would expose myself to sources of corruption, and monitor my actions closely for signs of turning into a criminal dispenser of death. I toyed with the idea of coming up with some sort of numerical ranking system to determine how far along I was with becoming deranged and depraved, but dismissed this idea as silly.

Test One - Video Games

I had high hopes for my criminal ways at the start of this test, as video games are supposedly the most powerful inserter of evil available to the public at large. I started off with a session of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. After I had committed a variety of foul misdeed, which came to a climax when I stole a bus, used it to destroy three police cars, and then drove it into the sea, I realized that my virtual actions, while immoral and unethical, were not, well, violent enough. So I switched to Devil May Cry, which is less realistic, but far more bloody. Then I played Shinobi, which is kind of realistic, but still very violent.

Having spilt enough virtual blood to fill a virtual Lake Superior, it was time for my first active test. I grabbed my car keys and hit the road. As I drove, I found the urge to steal cars and murder old ladies strangely absent. While in my GTA session I paid little regard to the virtual speed limits and virtual red lights, but in my real driving session, my largest infraction was going three miles over the speed limit. I even felt kind of bad about it.

I pulled over at a large Super Target outdoor mall thing, and set out on foot. I considered robbing my bank to see how natural it felt, but instead I just made a $30 deposit in my checking account. A trip to Best Buy resulted only in my purchasing a Clint Eastwood DVD, and not in a brutal, old-lady-murdering crime spree. And at no point did I mistake the many people around me for demonic puppets, or zombie ninjas. I deemed the test a failure.

Test Two - Movies

After my disappointment with my initial video game test I was less then optimistic about how my second test would turn out. Still, an experiment is an experiment, and I was determined to see this through. I started off by watching "The Matrix." Then I realized that watching all these movies would take way too long, So I fast forwarded to the fight scenes of Gladiator, Desperado, and El Mariachi. I also fast-forwarded through all of "Blade" because I like to watch movies, not travesties. Finally, I watched "South Park" for good measure, largely to see if I would swear a lot.

After attempting to warp my fragile little mind with all manner of scripted, fake, and acted violence, it was time for another test. Once again, I ventured outside of my humble home, and once again, I watched myself for unspeakable acts of violence committed by me, during my errands. A quick trip to Home Depot resulted not in my killing lots of people, but instead picking up some suspicious goop for a family project involving the attic and one hundred million hours of work. A trip to the supermarket resulted in eggs, ham and milk, instead of bodies piled high upon the ground. And when I ate lunch at Panera, I managed to finish my Cuban sandwich without even once feeling that I should kill everybody with a storm of bullets. Even the swearing musical antics of South Park failed to turn me into someone who could confidently cuss out a sailor.

Test Three - Music

By this point, I was pretty desperate. The combined influence of corrupting movies and violent video games had brought me no closer to becoming the dreaded, Jason-like monstrous beast that I wished to become. And considering that people had stopped being shocked at Marylyn Manson’s garbage music a decade ago, the prospects of me becoming an unstoppable super killer were looking bleak indeed.

Still, I like rock and roll, and that's supposed to make me evil, right? So I listened to my music collection, which largely consists of Offspring, Fuel, Greenday, the Ramones, and other icons of punk/alternative rock. Later on, I threw in some Metallica, to see if I became angry, and some Marylyn Manson, to see if I could survive such terrible, horrible music. I lasted about three minutes, which makes me feel pretty tough.

But tough or not, I found myself still horribly, horribly non violent. My trip into the outside world resulted in nothing out of the ordinary. No piles of corpses, no kicked-in doors or smashed windows, and no spurting blood. Final analysis: Failure to become violent and murderous. Side effects: Acquired hatred of both the movie "Blade" and all things Marylyn Manson.

I felt hurt and depressed. It was as though the media had lied to me. They specifically told me, several times, that I had the potential to leave a trail of dead and broken bodies in my wake, and still nothing out of the non-violent ordinary happened. I had expected so much from my decadent actions, and all I had to show for it was some slight progress in GTA and the pleasure of watching two Robert Rodriguez movies. I guess that counts for something.

-- Beat

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