After School Special
From The Encyclopedia of Pointless
One quiet morning in Never Never Land, The Main Character (From now on known as Billy) is being chased by an insane monster when suddenly Harry, his pet lemming, dies. So Billy does the only thing he can do: he learns how to fly a plane and goes to the former USSR where he finds his mother. (From now on known as "The Nice Lady") waiting for him.
She looks him over, and says, "Have some coleslaw, Billy."
Billy replies, "Meesa Jar-Jar Binks! Meesa helpa yousa!"
She then gives Billy a careful set of instructions and flies off with Superman. She's really Lois Lane!
The scene switches to The Bad Guy (from now on known as Mr. Squiggles) in the Lord of the Dance fan club HQ with a live parrot on his shoulder. He calls in his lackeys, Bob and the Eternal Toothache, and says, "Billy is heading to the dump to retrieve my super-weapon, that I will use to make me irresistible to women! You have to stop him, before they show more re-runs of "I Love Lucy!""
Meanwhile, Billy heads to the local dump and finds mountains and mountains of junk right where "The Nice Lady" said it would be, along with his Love Interest (from now on known as Buffy) waiting for him. After they discuss postmodern art in the European perspective, Billy goes back home and finds his parents arguing because Billy talks on the telephone too much. This continues until his Mom storms out of the house in a rage. Billy goes up to his room and loses touch with reality, but what else is new, until he falls asleep.
In the middle of the night, Mr. Squiggles' lackeys kidnap him and take him to The lair of the GonWarth where Mr. Squiggles says, "I'm Batman! Robin... To the batcave! You had better give me back what you found in the dump, or else I'll dance seductively!"
Billy thinks quickly, and says, "Okay, but only if you beat me at quarters!"
Billy and Mr. Squiggles have a unusually moist competition, until A meteorite lands on Mr. Squiggles' toe allowing Billy to win!
Billy yells, "FRENCH MOMMAS!" and kisses Buffy!
Mr. Squiggles yells, "E.T. Phone home!" and retreats.
So Billy goes home, and His parents say "God save the Queen. In fact, God save all of us." and everyone dances the funky chicken.
THE END
