Addiction

From The Encyclopedia of Pointless

You have to give Nicorette some credit. They managed to come up with a highly addictive product without all that surgeon general's warning mumbo jumbo. By giving the excuse that it's for people who're quitting smoking, they've managed to successfully introduce a product that is purposefully and shamelessly laced with a powerful addictive substance. If they had tried to make a gum with say, cocaine or LSD in it, they would have been on the receiving end of the largest amount of flak since World War 2. Thankfully they did a nice, subtle job, but they failed at the most critical question of all: Why stop there?

Here's my idea: A whole line of highly addictive foodstuffs. "Smoked" meats. "Tobacco Enhanced" veggies. Nicotine milk. Heck, go ahead and make chocolate even more addictive. It's not like chocoholics will notice. How about addictive peanut butter? Or, for those mothers who were bright enough to smoke while they were pregnant, Nicorette baby formula!

Imagine this scene: You're with your honey for a night on the town and you stop by a ritzy restaurant. Instead of asking you if you want to sit in the smoking or the non-smoking section you're seated and the waiter asks you if you prefer a nicotine dinner or non-nicotine dinner. I can tell you, though, that I just pity the poor fool who accidentally gets a nicotine dinner. Maybe instead of a fancy restaurant you could swing by a fast-food place and order a #5 with extra nicotine, hold the onions. It's true, you'd have to start being more careful about ordering a pizza "With everything", but that's a risk I'm willing to take for you.

Maybe you're as sick of getting your nicotine fix from second-hand smoke as I am. Why not pick up a couple nicotine-scented candles or plug-in fragrance dispensers? I'd much rather smell vanilla and satisfy my craving than deal with some smelly smoker breath. I'll bet no small number of smokers would be pleased if instead of inhaling caustic fumes from a burning paper tube they could just order a rib eye steak to get their fix. It just might save them some money, too.

-- Mr. Encyclopedia

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